You never forget the day a doctor tells you, “You have cancer.” I sure haven’t.
For me, it came over the phone. The doctor’s voice was steady, almost too steady. Then he said it: “I’m sorry to tell you, but you have Stage 4 melanoma.” I’d been waiting two weeks for that call. I thought I was ready, but I wasn’t as ready as I needed to be.
I sat there holding the phone. It felt like time froze, while everything around me was moving a hundred miles an hour. And before I even had time to think rationally, the decisions started coming at me. One after another. Big ones. The kind that change your life.
I was sent from one doctor’s office to another. I tried to keep up. But wasn’t prepared. Not even close. That’s why I always tell folks: don’t go to those first appointments alone. Take a family member or a friend you trust. You’ll be too rattled to remember everything. They’ll catch what you miss.
Here’s what I wish I’d had in my hand back then. A simple list of questions. Print them out or write them down. And take them with you. Don’t be shy, ask each question you feel necessary when talking with your doctor. After all, it’s YOUR life on the line.
Checklist to Take With You to Your Doctor’s Appointment
About My Cancer
• What kind of cancer is this? Tell me straight.
• What stage is it, and what does that really mean for me?
• Do I need more tests before we know the whole story?
About Treatment
- What are my options?
- What’s the goal here — cure, control, or just comfort?
- How quickly do I need to start?
About Side Effects & Daily Life
- What side effects should I expect?
- How will this affect my work and daily life?
- What can I do to help myself — diet, exercise, lifestyle?
About Support & Next Steps
- What’s my outlook with this cancer and your recommended treatment?
- Who do I call if I’ve got questions or something urgent comes up?
- Are there support groups or resources for me and my family?
About Costs and Coverage
- Will my insurance cover this?
- Are there specialists or centers in my network?
- If insurance won’t cover it all, is there financial help?
- How much out-of-pocket should I expect?
Getting these answers won’t take the fear away, but it will give you something solid to stand on.
And here’s one last piece of advice: if you go for a second opinion (and I think you should), don’t assume your records have been sent ahead. Half the time they haven’t. Bring copies yourself. Keep a binder with your history. Get your scans on a CD or a flash drive. It’s extra work, but it saves time — and when you’re dealing with cancer, time matters.
See also: The Importance of A Second Opinion
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